Friday, 12 February 2016

I Love You Before Its Time

It sounds like a love story, but really, it's an experience I wouldn't repeat. He said it first, and I never returned it, which makes me sound like a bitch, but you'd understand - it was far too early, and by the time it was rectified, it was far too late.

Say you meet someone. You're without your friends, and you're forced to interact, an anti-social teen's worst nightmare. Somehow, though, in that hour and a half, the interaction became infinitely easier, the conversation and laughter flowing, and you think, this may be alright.

It takes a couple of months for that to turn into words like 'I love you', and even a secretive letter of confession to be passed. Your phone numbers change hands, and it begins.

It takes you a while to recognise the number that's calling, even a few hang-ups, but once you begin to answer, you realise.

You're crap at phone calls.

At least, in real life, you're lead by physical cues, body language and such, but on a phone, the only cue you have is silence, and by then, you're left with nothing to say.

I couldn't tell you how it slipped into the conversation, three words I couldn't respond to, but it did.

That period of silence from before, it gets worse; it's like you can hear somebody's heart dropping when there's nothing in return. You know it as well as I do, though, you don't say it unless you mean it.

All of a sudden, you're frightened. Never one to dive in straight away (unless the water's welcoming), your stomach bubbles with apprehension, and you can't stand it.

What was once easy conversation, slips into nothing, as that friendly little apprehension shrouds all.

In the end, it's scary, but if there's one thing I'd encourage, it's working at your own pace, and don't push yourself to walk at another's speed, because you can easily get lost, and unable to catch up, but feeling like you have to.
* * *
This occurred back in April last year, and I've kind of ignored it since then, other than the weekly reminder when I see him, but I thought I'd talk about it, because I don't think it's wrong to turn somebody down if it doesn't feel right!

Also, sorry I've been AWOL, been kind of caught up in school and naps ... there's been a lot of napping going on. But we're on holiday now! Fun and revision and fun!

Night everyone, also follow my twitter! I also recommend twitter chats, they're really entertaining!


  1. Situations like these are horrible, especially if you really respect the person you're forced to turn down. People often try to emphasise how hard it is for the person who is turned down, but what they forget is that it's hard for the person on the receiving end, too. I definitely agree that it's better to turn someone down that to be in an unsatisfying relationship :)
    Lucy <3

  2. Hey! I nominated you for the Liebster award, hope you don't mind!
    Enjoy answering your questions!

  3. Ah, awkward situations like these happen!
    I went through this, too, at a point of time and I can totally relate to it!
    By the way, I nominated you for the Book Fangirling Blogger Award!
    Stay awesome as ever,
    Much love,
    Archie <3