Let's Talk: Empathy

Apparently I'm a sensitive person, overly so. Get me angry, I can either be so passive-aggressive it's disconcerting, or I can be 2 inches away from punching something. Find me when I'm upset, and I either burst into tears, or just shut up for a while.

Apparently, though, I also get upset on behalf of other people in my life. I can honestly be fiercely angry if one of my friends, the people I care for, are upset, and probably the 2 inches away from punching something kind of angry.

Then empathy comes into play.

empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

A friend of mine was upset this week by some stuff going on in their family. As well as being exceedingly pissed off by their situation, and worried for them, I also began to relate what I knew them to be feeling to a similar situation I had experienced a long while back. The situation I'd been in, because it happened when I was 12, I'd never talked about it in full, as it had felt entirely too private, seeing as it involved stuff with mum's work, and after a while, I'd let it all go. With the reminder, though, my blood boiled all the more.

So, I'm going to say this now. Seeing a parent messed up can seriously mess you up, but you have to remember that whats going on isn't your fault, it really isn't. Make sure you're there for your parents, supportive, but remember that for me, please.

As I've mentioned before, my life has changed quite dramatically in this last year; the business that's been a part of my life since I was born has left my life, the dog I've had for as long as I can remember was put down, so I suppose that's all contributed, as well as the recent exam stress. It piles and piles, building like a mountain. You think you can ski on it, but once you try, an avalanche begins. You can run from an earthquake or a volcano, but avalanches really can't be escaped.

Back to empathy, because tangents are real here @ Pen and Key. Much as I hate being such a sensitive person, I generally would rather I were empathetic when it comes to my friends' problems rather than apathetic. I'd rather be able to relate and understand, maybe even give advice from my own experiences than do nothing to help.

Heavy topic, but food for thought, nonetheless. It's finally stopped snowing, after what must have been a good 3-4 inches of snow this afternoon, which is brilliant for the weekend, but I really don't want to walk through snow to get through school this next week. Then again, it's only for a week, and there's a half day on Friday. Then it's Christmas people!

So I shall leave you with this snowy weekend (in the North East anyway) and see you next week for the next installment of my December Writing Wednesdays!

Another Year Been and Gone

Alright, I'm not technically completely done with school just yet; I'm on work experience for the final week of school, and I'm going back in on Thursday to sing for my headmaster's leaving mass, so I'm not done yet, but technically I am, because I have no lessons left.
So what have I learnt this year?

Relationships aren't everything
At the start of year 10, i was determined that at some point in the year, I would be in a relationship. At the other end, I realise that I did have more important things to focus upon. I've had crushes, certainly, and even an offer of a relationship in the last 10 months, but I've also been splitting my time between school and extra-curriculars, hobbies and home life. I have time for a relationship; I hope I at least have something in time for prom next year, but if not, I have some brilliant friends to have as my dates.

Grades aren't everything
When it gets to year 10, you start stressing about your marks, even just for simple homework tasks, when really you shouldn't. Unless you know it's coursework, don't stress; if it's revision material, all you need is for it to have the relevant facts and figures, as long as it teaches you something, you don't need to impress anybody with it. I know teachers make a big deal out of marks for things, especially when it gets to report time (which for us at my school is every term/half term), but don't sweat it, because I have and it has at some points completely wrecked me in the last year, which leads to my next point.

Mental stability is important
I know that amidst the masses of homework and expectations that we do forget to think about ourselves - don't. It doesn't matter whether you've been diagnosed with mental problems or not, mental health is important no matter whether it's on a medical file or not.
You may remember back in January, when I had a 'snap' over some chemistry homework. I didn't actually mention this, but the day after my mum's shop closed in April, I snapped again, ending up taking a day off school because I wasn't able to get out the door with clear eyes.
Since then, I've been taking multi-vitamins, so about 2 1/2 months, I believe going by the pack. Looking at the reviews on the Boots website, it goes on about giving people energy, but I feel the only energy I'm gaining is going to the sensitive parts of me. I certainly feel like I've been more positive, and talking to my friends when I was picking up some more the other weekend, it certainly sounds like I have been.

Extra-curriculars are only worth your time if you're reaping the rewards
As you know by now, I sing, I perform. As I said earlier, I've been splitting my time between extra-curriculars over the last year, what with loads of extra school masses and stuff due to it being our 50th anniversary, Joseph requiring a load of rehearsals, Sage rehearsals demanding a lot of my time, and DofE. As stressed as I have been over it though, it felt brilliant to see what all those rehearsals and all that time became; being able to leave the stage at the Sage and say 'that was bloody brilliant', or start jumping excitedly as soon as you're backstage after the first act of Joseph, you know it's been worth it, and I'm now sure that I'll be doing the exact same next year, even with exams on.

Get friendship dramas out of the way
It is at this point where I gloat and say that I'm glad that I've gained so many friends over the years, but it's around year 9 and year 10 that you really start deciding who belongs where in your life, or whether they belong in your life at all. I suggest you start doing this now rather than under the duress of exams next year.

Take the time to enjoy
Now that I'm older, it feels like the years pass so much quicker, as it did this last year. You're not in school forever, so enjoy it! Make memories outside of the classroom and inside them, and live in the moment, because that's all we have.


Damn this got inspirational. That's pretty much all I've learnt in the last year, what about you?
Also, anyone who's wondering, we had our Joseph performance on Thursday night, I absolutely loved it, and now have a t-shirt with the name 'Dan' on the back (that won't be awkward at all) as well as the Joseph and school logos in the best places (literally right above my boobs, brilliant job CRE8IVE), to use as my comfy shirt, so yay!
Got a slightly overdue haul to work on now! I actually have homework I should probably be doing, but eh, SUMMER!
I actually don't have to go to work experience till 10 on Monday, so ha to all my friends going to primary schools who have to be there for half 8! Just kidding, have fun :)
Love Eve <3

The Word Conform Annoys Me

Conform:
to act in accord with the prevailing standards, attitudes, practices, etc., of society or a group: One has to conform in order to succeed in this company.

My history teacher uses this word whenever somebody's being rowdy in my class (so every lesson). Now, I love her, I've been getting such good marks this last year because of her teaching, though can she please slow down when changing slides? Although, whenever she uses the word conform, I honestly feel like standing up and protesting the notion.

Since I learned what the word conform meant, I protested against what it stood for. I don't want to conform, but the shame is that it's ingrained in us. We don't realise it, but simply abiding by our school uniform standards is conformity; of course, anyone can say that it's preparing you for work where you may have to wear a uniform. I don't mind wearing a uniform, even though I can't wait for the day where I don't have to wake up and put a tie on, but the word conform honestly makes me feel like putting a tie on on a morning just shoves me into a box where I can only do what I'm told. I myself have started adorning the box that we call uniform; as I type, I have 6 pin badges on my lapel, 5 of which are charity badges. In year 8, I was told by my form tutor to take off a Red Nose Day badge that I was wearing, because it wasn't school issue. He's left, so now I've tried to challenge it and see if any other teachers protest. So far, the only comments I've had are that they're colourful, or just asking why I wear them. At one point, at Christmas, the choir was told to remove all badges so they don't blind anyone due to the lights, but I think that was directed at me more than anyone else. I walk past senior members of staff everyday and they're more likely to tell me off for having my sleeves rolled up than a load of badges on my lapel. Go figure!

I went off track. What I'm trying to say is, don't feel you need to conform. If we were to all conform, then we'd all be the same, and who wants that? Leave your box behind, because you don't need it to be special!

Just a little Public Service Announcement for your weekend :)

Love, Eve <3

Rejections

Rejections, you'd think they got easier to take. Between Saturday and Monday, I had five for work experience, and I still have two potential ones yet to come in. Before that, a position on a programme I applied to rejected me (my sister reckoned I wasn't close enough location-wise for them); then a week or two later, an opportunity with school came up to spend a few days of the Easter holidays at a local university to get a feel for uni life. again, I was rejected, as was everyone else who applied from my school, because the university had to go off the school's exam scores to decide who got places.

Yeah, you'd think they'd be easier, you'd think you'd grow a harder skin. I don't know if it's just because I've literally had less than ten rejections, or if it's just because I kind of expect them, but they still hit pretty hard.

I don't know. If you felt like criticising me, you could blame it on my first world privileges, and say I grew up never hearing the word no, and I'll admit, I grew up in a life where yes was the usual answer, but there were plenty of nos mixed in too. However, there's a difference between a 'no, you can't have another biscuit' and a 'no, you can't have a place at our paper'.

I just want to say, it may take a while, it may take 50 different rejections to feel like they don't upset you any more. They may not have a big impact when you're looking at the entire picture, but each little rejection, each no, that hardens your skin. It may not be metres thick like you want, but every centimetre adds up.

I want you to remember that. Love, Eve <3

Why Do I Shy From Compliments?

I've noticed recently that I have a habit of shying away from compliments whenever I get them.

For example, this week, whilst rehearsing for Joseph, our teacher complimented the soprano harmony, saying it sounded good, and a sixth former beside me turned to me and went 'That's you, you're really good!' I then proceeded to try and sink beneath the piano where I stood, even though the person complimenting me was stood right next to me.

Another example can be found a few weeks ago when I was working for my mum, and a customer walked in. She asked if I was mum's daughter, then called me gorgeous. At this point, I tried to hide beneath the counter.

Why do I do this? Is it really so ingrained into my being to immediately hide from compliments?

Even compliments from my friends, I'll just pass compliments off unless they're on something I'm proud of, say my hair.

This would be the point where  I go into my tragic backstory. This isn't X Factor, however. I don't have anybody to win over and put me through to the next round. Therefore, I'm going to keep this brief.

Basically, I was a chubby kid. Between the ages of 5 and 10, I was so chunky. I literally have a picture of myself aged 10 to a. Remind me to never get a bobbed haircut again, and b. To show that I may not be happy with the way my stomach sticks out a bit now, but at least my shirt is tight in the right places.

As well as this, I got the spectacular joy of hitting puberty early, in year 5. Even though I have two older sisters, I didn't dare talk to anyone about the way my body was changing, because it wasn't happening to anyone else in my class.

The one thing that always stuck with me was when, at a swimming class in year 5, I had three of the popular girls come over to me and tell me to show them my arms. I say tell; these were the popular girls in our class, they didn't ask for things from you, they told you what they wanted. So they told me to show them my arms, because, shock horror, I had hair under my arms.

That just feels like the turning point for me. That's when I really started getting insecure about my body. I was still 100% confident in my academic abilities, but my body became a weakness I suppose.

I realise that's a lot longer than 'brief'. I'm sorry

Nowadays, I wouldn't say I'm happy with my body, there are still things I'd change if I could. but I'm content with my lot.

But now I also shy away from compliments aimed at my abilities. I don't understand why, but I do.

I'll say again though, I'm content with what I have, and what I don't, I'm going to either try and improve myself to acquire them, or do without. That's just how it goes.

So, be happy with your lot, it's all you have at the moment. If you want more, you've got to work for it. And compliments? They're a beautiful little boost of sunshine, that, even though you're hiding from them, you still think about them, and you still sometimes think, 'you know what, I deserve that compliment', and those are the thoughts you need to listen to!

That's my little slice of Pen and Key Life & Advice for the week. Stay amazing everybody, and as a very great man said, Keep Moving Forward!

Eve <3

At the End of the Day

This is a follow-up to last week's Stress Vent. Just a reminder:

Nothing lasts forever

That's it; your stress won't last; the things that are upsetting you now, you'll look back and wonder what you were worrying about; people who annoy you now, in ten years, they probably won't be around unless you want them to be.

At the end of the day, nothing is permanent. 

In the heat of the moment, it can feel like everything's surrounding you, but the moments pass and you can grow. In geography today, we learnt that the word 'advance', in terms of glaciers, means to grow. For glaciers, it's in size, but for us, we can advance in so many ways; our knowledge, our personality, our understanding of the world.

To relate this to me, this time last week, I was writing about being stressed over a geography assessment and chemistry homework. Today I learned I got A's in both, which I am so happy about, and that's my wake up the the span of things. I've been worrying about those for a week, hoping I got a good grade so that my tears weren't for naught, and now I know they weren't, I feel kind of stupid, but not completely ridiculous, because you don't cry for nothing. 

You cry because you're impassioned.

You cry because you're angry, or you're sad, or scared, or even happy (though I can't say I've cried out of joy much before). Never underestimate your emotions, because, confusing as they are, they are the windows into you and your feelings, and they explain a lot more than your mouth can.

At the end of the day, these things, they're gone, over and done with; they can't be changed, only improved upon.

Please remember that,

I'm always here to message if needed, remember that too.

Have a nice weekend everybody,

Eve <3

Take a Break

If you're in any type of schooling, you're probably a little bit stressed, unless you're 11 or under. Do me a favour and enjoy it! And sometimes things can pile on top of you, and it starts to bend you, like a pencil, and that pencil can snap.

That happened to me last night

With a chemistry presentation to complete for Friday, as well as a Geography test to revise for, an RE mock exam in two weeks, a Spanish controlled assessment in three, I snapped. Whilst talking to Maya (complaining really), I broke. There were tears, despair, and the inherent need for my mum. I didn't want to hide from her, not when I was struggling.

She ended up telling me that I would shower, then have another ten minutes to do some more chemistry, and geography, if I didn't have it in my head already, I'd have to make do. The test was just an end-of-unit, which just gives a grade, but doesn't impact my GCSE. Then I'd go to sleep, because my parents are sure that I can't run on 6 hours of sleep forever, which I suppose I can't, but it's just a manageable time for me, just like 6:30 is for waking up, and 7:00 is for making my tea on a night.

I couldn't tell you why it took me two hours to do that one chemistry presentation (this did include a 20 minute fanfiction break, but whatever). I ended up finishing it in the 10 minute time limit I gave myself. 7 slides of random chemical stuff that barely made sense to me, that took two hours. The reaason I've been able to figure out is that, I got a D last term, and I don't want to keep that. No way. Unfortunately, I'm not my sister, who did an A Level in chemistry, and even went on to university to study it. Chemistry is probably my worst science, followed by physics, then biology is definitely my favourite. Covalent bonds don't interest me; clinical trials and heart dissection does.

But I wasn't writing this to talk about my personal struggles, I want to help you if you're feeling stressed. We all have different methods for relieving ourselves of stress, but here are a few that help me out when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

1. Take a step back

When you're stressed, it's a counterproductive to be near the thing that's causing you grief. Take a walk, go make a drink, or just close the window on your computer and go do something else.

2. Take a shower

Clear your mind, take the time to get yourself clean and just away from whatever's stressing you out.

3. Read a book (or do whatever relaxes you)

Relieving your own stress lies in relaxing yourself, for me at least. Get out a book, listen to some music, whatever makes you happy, do it.

4.Punch a pillow

I would say 'punch something', but I don't know how literally people will take that, and I don't really want to pay damages if someone punches through a wall or something, so punch a pillow; think of it as one way to plump it :)

5.Talk to someone

Whether it's your mum downstairs, your friend you're in a chat with, or just a silly little blog (ayyy), get your feelings out. For some reason, that helps me get over it quicker.

6. Sleep on it

As I said, my mum's initial suggestion was, after I'd had my shower and done the ten minutes of chemistry, was to go to bed, setting an earlier alarm so I could get my morning routine out of the way and use the extra time to finish my work. Luckily, I finished it before I went to bed, so I got the extra time to do some revision for Geography.

7. Let it out

If you feel like crying, then cry. Don't be ashamed of your tears. Tears actually contain antibodies that fight pathogens (thank you biology). So cry, it's human. Take hours if that's what you need;
if the end product is the same, who cares about the middle? You don't have to be strong all the time, which is something I need to remind myself. I'll be leaving reminders everywhere for myself that I'm not indestructible, and I don't need to pretend I am.

So, that was my Thursday night. Hopefully this can be motivation to become a more put-together, organised person (says the person who hasn't done any homework when she has two pieces due on Monday)
Have a nice weekend, Eve <3
PS. I forgot, but I would like to give a shoutout to the beautiful Maya, for being supportive when I was feeling rough, making sure I was okay in the morning, and being a brilliant friend in general. Love oo, Maya x