I Love You Before Its Time

It sounds like a love story, but really, it's an experience I wouldn't repeat. He said it first, and I never returned it, which makes me sound like a bitch, but you'd understand - it was far too early, and by the time it was rectified, it was far too late.

Say you meet someone. You're without your friends, and you're forced to interact, an anti-social teen's worst nightmare. Somehow, though, in that hour and a half, the interaction became infinitely easier, the conversation and laughter flowing, and you think, this may be alright.

It takes a couple of months for that to turn into words like 'I love you', and even a secretive letter of confession to be passed. Your phone numbers change hands, and it begins.

It takes you a while to recognise the number that's calling, even a few hang-ups, but once you begin to answer, you realise.

You're crap at phone calls.

At least, in real life, you're lead by physical cues, body language and such, but on a phone, the only cue you have is silence, and by then, you're left with nothing to say.

I couldn't tell you how it slipped into the conversation, three words I couldn't respond to, but it did.

That period of silence from before, it gets worse; it's like you can hear somebody's heart dropping when there's nothing in return. You know it as well as I do, though, you don't say it unless you mean it.

All of a sudden, you're frightened. Never one to dive in straight away (unless the water's welcoming), your stomach bubbles with apprehension, and you can't stand it.

What was once easy conversation, slips into nothing, as that friendly little apprehension shrouds all.

In the end, it's scary, but if there's one thing I'd encourage, it's working at your own pace, and don't push yourself to walk at another's speed, because you can easily get lost, and unable to catch up, but feeling like you have to.

* * *

This occurred back in April last year, and I've kind of ignored it since then, other than the weekly reminder when I see him, but I thought I'd talk about it, because I don't think it's wrong to turn somebody down if it doesn't feel right!

Also, sorry I've been AWOL, been kind of caught up in school and naps ... there's been a lot of napping going on. But we're on holiday now! Fun and revision and fun!

Night everyone, also follow my twitter! I also recommend twitter chats, they're really entertaining!

How Do Blog?

Who the hell gave me Netflix?

My mum, to answer that question, but we're working in rhetorics here people!

So, update since the last post, I've been working on sorting out my books and stuff for school so that they're at least a little more streamlined for revision, which I'm hopefully absorbing along the way.

Thinking about it, that is pretty much all I've done of interest, the fun of a school life, so repetitive!

How do blog?

I feel like everything needs to be tidy, but I have no energy, no drive. I could find it, for a small amount of time, and then it's lost again. I cleaned out my wardrobe; only the wardrobe, though, and the shoes, I have an entire six drawers to rake through and condense, and then an entire bedroom to sort, 11 different subjects worth of books to 'streamline'. You can see why I procrastinate.

The fact that it's only light whilst I'm in school is hardly motivating either, it's dark when I wake up, barely light when I leave the house at quarter to 9, and the sun is setting before I even leave school at 3.

The pile of Christmas boxes in my room don't do me any favours either.

I'm a pile of excuses

That are hidden in lies and smiles.

I really need to eat, though, there's a tin of soup calling my name, so I'll stop whilst this post is semi-coherent

The Results

It's results day
Simultaneously, I have been both anticipating and dreading this day since I put my pen down, on I think my first exam (maths non-calc if anybody's interested).
As a way of acclimatising us to the system of exam results day, we gathered  in the main hall, sat in alphabetical order in each form, going up one by one to receive our envelopes.
The envelopes are nondescript, brown, with a sticker that holds only your name and your form class.
Now I think about it, it's almost metaphoric. In the end, in our school life, all that matters is summarised in this envelope; your name, our form class, and your results.
The first result I looked at was Geography. As soon as I saw the exam questions themselves, I knew I was failing, and surprise surprise, I did. A pass in England is a C, and I got a D, though I have no idea as to the grade boundaries, so I couldn't tell you how close I was to that elusive C. To refer back to my exam advice, revise your case studies, as that's definitely what let me down.
The next thing I looked at was my ICT grade, surprisingly. We'd asked our teacher earlier in the week what the range of marks was, and she'd said A* to D, which lead me to be pretty confident in the fact that I'd passed, but by how much? An A* apparently, which I was extremely pleased with, and it kind of makes me wonder why I'm not considering ICT for A-Level, but I'm having enough trouble deciding on subjects for that anyway, so I'll leave it be.
I got a C in History, which I also expected to be around there, as I completely forgot everything for Vietnam, what even was the Tet Offensive, and I ended up babbling about the media and the My Lai massacre, as that was all I remembered.
Somehow, I also ended up with an A in Maths, so happy days, no intervention, but apparently I did shit on one paper, then pulled it back with the other, so I'll see how the hell I managed that when we go over the paper this next week.
The only other C I got was in RE, which I don't particularly care about the mark for, especially due to the bizarre questions on the paper. Around half of an RE exam is about whether you agree with something or disagree, and unfortunately for me and my moral standards, there are some things I don't entirely agree or disagree with, because I am a person who honestly just thinks we should let people do what they want, religion be damned.
After all of that, the rest of my subjects were Bs, which leaves room for improvement in all of them (Biology, Chemistry, English, Physics, and Spanish), and I'm just glad it's over.
At this point, it's an entire 75 school days until the first exam, so around 15 school weeks, and another three weeks of holidays, so 18 weeks from now, I will be sitting my first exam.
With these results, I'll be making sure to revise from now until then, and focus on everything!
Have you gotten your results recently? Share your pain!

2nd Blogiversary and 10,000 Pageviews

Just a quick post to declare that yesterday, the 6th was the second anniversary of this blog (what was originally EveIsNotPosh).
It's bizarre to think that I've spent two entire years speaking to what is essentially a void of the internet.
This year is, of course, going to be a tough time for me, with exams and starting sixth form, so I'll warn everybody now that I may not be as active as I have been on this little corner of mine.
Also, we hit 10,000 page views yesterday, at some point! Don't honestly know how that happened, but I'll take it ;)
I'd like to take this moment to thank the continued support of everybody, I wouldn't have believed two years ago that I would make the friends I have in this little corner, and I wouldn't change a second.
It's kind of a second new year, so happy new year, and for both you and me, I hope it's a good one!

Favourite Events of 2015

I've done a lot of cool stuff in 2015, 'twas a good year for cool stuff, so I'm gonna share some experiences I've shared, mainly with friends, but with family too.

Arcanum at FebFest

I've talked about Arcanum before, Jack, Jane, Tom, and Sam are now among my best friends in so many different ways, and it's been great to see the band grow over the last year and a half.
So, on February 13th, I went to see them perform at our local castle. It was a great night where I just got to relish in the fact that we were officially on a week long break. Surrounded by friends, I took the opportunity to take a ton of photos of us all, so here's a selection:

 

An Irish Wedding

I did an entire diary post, including pictures, of my four days in Ireland, it was a great weekend, spent with my family, and I'd do it again!

Catholic Partnership Concert at the Sage

This was the second time I'd performed at the Sage, and it was an irreplaceable experience, as it was the last time. I love the break it brings, an entire day spent with friends, concluding with a performance that is one of the greatest adrenaline rushes in front of hundreds.

And we got to watch the first half from the highest tier, and I'd commend every music group that performed, they were spectacular.

My 16th Birthday

For me, this was the largest event of 2015. 16 isn't the most important birthday, especially in England, all you get is your national insurance number and the ability to sign for stuff you get done at doctors and dentists.

It wasn't the benefits of my 16th that made it special, but the people I spent it with; a total of 13 of my friends joined me for a camp-out, as well as a ton of family and family friends. Being able to spend that night with my friends was one of the most precious nights to me, just being able to forget school and being with them all, seeing everyone getting on - as they were friends from several different circles - and just ... it was a fantastic night, I loved it, and loved every moment. So, thank you, to everyone, you made my birthday.

Sam's 16th

Another birthday! This was a great night out, once again spent with friends, casual, though high energy with the edition of a ceilidh, which I'd never done before, though it was certainly interesting to try ad put all the steps together; we all now know I can count to eight!

Darlington with the Girls

After a good couple of weeks of decision making, we finally got it down to the four of us girls (me, Sarah, Maya, and Olivia) going into Darlington, with the boys going to Durham afterschool on the last Friday.

We didn't buy much, nor did we do anything exciting, but being able to spend those few hours with my friends was relaxing in a way. No interruptions, no school bells telling us to go separate ways, no time limits of lunch times and break times. Just an afternoon.

Another Couple of Things

As well as these singular events above, I'd like to also mention some other things I enjoyed in 2016.
One of those is lunchtimes, spent with our gang, with many arguments, and opinions, and sandwiches. It's nice to spend my time with like-minded people, but also people of different opinions, as it certainly makes for some interesting conversation.

Another event was, of course, the birth of my nephew, Freddie. We had him and his parents up for Christmas, and he is so full of smiles, it's an absolute joy!

Any ideas what I can do for my second blogiversary on Wednesday?

Writing Wednesday ~ December #5

New Year's Resolutions 2016

That's where she stopped, her pen in the air waiting for inspiration.

Nothing

What could she do in 2016 to better herself? To show she had advanced? To show that she was growing, as a person in her own right?

No clue

Her resolutions from 2015 had gone completely ... incomplete, it was embarassing. Which was exactly why she didn't share her resolutions with anyone, as she was sure to have somebody on her back about one thing or another.

In the last year, she had loved, she had lost, and she had learned. It's better to love and lose, because it's only then that you know you have experienced, and only then that you know you have learned.

She had learned to love her flaws, many and all-encompassing as they may be; she had come to terms with the idea of potential anxiety, with stress and its backlashes, with public speaking being a no-go. Acceptance was a thing,and it had happened, and she was proud.

Somehow, she had grown, and was expected to grow further in the next year.

So why not write what she thought? What she thought was best for 2016?

Her pen dipped towards the paper, scratching against the page in true biro fashion.

Her New Year's Resolutions for 2016?

Be happy

* * *

I had a different prompt for this, but it required much more fleshing out than I currently have creativity for, so this is what you get!

Not gonna lie, it's based on my year, what I've learned about myself,and stuff, and it's short as hell, I'm so sorry!

Now Imma work on my TV favourites, so I'll go do that!

TV Favourites 2015

Lost

This is mum's fault. She decided over the summer that I needed to be dragged into this 6 series phenomena.W're currently 3 series in, and you can't miss a second! The way that simple, throwaway lines are brought back as something important an episode or even a series later makes you realise how intricate it all is! I also really like that every character is focussed upon, even some secondary characters get their moment (before being killed off :) )
Enter this series at your peril, honestly!

Daredevil
The release of Marvel series on etflix is something I'm so happy for! I have yet to watch Jessica Jones, but I fell in love with Matt Murdock and Hell's Kitchen. The fact that Matt has found himself two mediums with which to fight , both legally and as a vigilante, is amicable. Character chemistry is awesome, Charlie Cox is amazing, and stills from season 2 were released today. I have no clue about the comics and what happens there,but Elektra looks incredible!

Agent Carter
Three of the main characters are British, and I am eternally grateful for that! Hayley Atwell is badass, James D'arcy is the perfect blend of apprehensive and sassy, Dominic Cooper is so unbelievably cocky, but it's endearing!
I love that this is Peggy-centric, showing she's so much more than the coffee girl she's thought of. Also, there's that history with the Red Room that's shown, and I want to know so much more, I can't wait for season 2, which is here in January, and Dottie is confirmed as a guest, so is Angie, AND ANA JARVIS PEOPLE!

Pretty Little Liars
I binge watched a season in a day in November, then lost it, which is the story of many shows I watch, but the first series was interesting, I am intrigued, and will probably pick it up again in a moment of procrastination-fuelled weakness!

Great British Bake Off 
This year's series was incredible - beetroot gateaux,biscuit boxes, charlotte russes, and even more awesome stuff went down in the tent this year, and Nadiya was such a deserving winner!

The Apprentice
The Apprentice is such an interesting series to me; as someone whose understanding of business is limited,it makes good conversation (though not with my mother, because she doesn't have the best opinion of Lord Sugar). I love sitting and thinking about the decisions I would have made - the book-writing task was ridiculously handled - and generally laughing at the cock ups going on!

Scream Queens
The way this series parodies the general horror tropes is incredible (how many times have I used this word?), as is the way it battles cliches. The star studded cast was entertaining as hell, and the writing was glorious! Hoping season 2 will be much the same!

Jekyll & Hyde
I'm on about the ITV series here, and it's so unbelievably good. For anybody who loves steam punk aesthetics, this is the show for you. It goes so far beyond a man battling with two men within his body, it explores the need for Hyde that Jekyll has, the feeling that Hyde handles certain situations better. It's also just a time period I seriously love watching shows for, and steam punk is something I will happily get behind!

Hopefully tomorrow, I will have been able to sift through photos and memories in order to bring my Events favourites together into a post, but if not, expect it on the 1st or the 2nd, as that is a lot of content to work with!